Five reasons why colonising America wasn’t a good idea for Britain.

This article on cracked.com made my day so I decided to include it in my blog. ūüėÄ

It’s easy to say the modern tea-baggers are assholes. The modern tea-baggers are assholes. See? We didn’t even break a sweat.

But as it turns out, these latest tea-baggers are simply carrying on a long-standing tradition of proud, vaguely patriotic douche-baggery that they learned from the OG’s of asshole behaviour; the guys who tossed some tea into a harbour a couple hundred years ago.

No, we’re not saying we wish the British had won the war or that we wish America had never been born. We’re just saying that American history glosses over a lot of true dick behaviour. After all, consider that…

#5.Great Britain Had No Idea The Colonists Were Unhappy
 
 

Benjamin Franklin had been chosen by the Pennsylvania colonial legislature to represent the colonies before the crown. If the colonies were pissed, or sick of paying unfair taxes (or as was more often the case, not paying them), it was Franklin’s job to let the crown know.

Unfortunately, Ben really loved the crown. Right before the revolution, he had been trying, unsuccessfully, to convince the king to take back Pennsylvania from the Penn family, and put it under royal control.

When the issue of the Stamp Act first came up, even though the colonists were furious, Ben Franklin was all about it, and he told Great Britain as much. Hell, he even gave a friend of his the cushy job collecting the new taxes.

But Why?

Because he was fucking clueless about the people he was representing and spent most of his time in Britain. When colonists eventually showed up at his house rioting, he must have been just shocked that they were so angry about the Stamp Act. Or, he would have been shocked, but people were rioting at his house and threatening to hang him, so he kind of had some other stuff to deal with.

When you think about it, Ben Franklin was a¬†terrible¬†choice for Voice of the People. The dude managed to be a rich, successful, self-made, internationally jet-setting playboy in the 18th goddamn century, for fuck’s sake. John Q. Public he was not. Of¬†course¬†he didn’t mind the Stamp Act; if it didn’t at all impede his ability to fuck princesses on hot air balloons, (or whatever the 18th Century analogue to the mile high club was), why should he care? Franklin’s hypothetical balloon-humping to one side, the point is that Great Britain was blissfully unaware on the other side of the ocean while the colonists steamed and let their rage build.

#4. The Colonists Were Living at home, Rent free, Without Following Any of the Rules
 

When we think of the original Tea Party Guys, we think of a bunch of decent, hardworking people who were treated unfairly and had every right to rebel against their oppressors. That’s sort of a harder pill to swallow when it turns out the “oppressors” were more like “laid back goons,” and the “opressees” were more like “whiney assholes.” True, Great Britain did impose taxes on the colonies without representation, but according to¬†Taxation in Colonial America, the British rarely bothered collecting them. Hardly anyone was paying the tax that the colonists were so pissed off about.

But Why?

Smuggling mixed with some general bad leadership. London was an ocean away and there just wasn’t an efficient way to manage an entire empire across seas. Not to mention the smuggling.Lord, the smuggling. The British taxes were only on trade, and it was just ridiculously easy to get away with simply not paying them. This was because the layout of the Virginia coast allowed merchants to sail past the authorities and just pull their boats right up to their customers. As a result, many merchants built their businesses on smuggling.

The British¬†tried¬†to put a stop to this, but how could they? Imagine if, instead of just losing a portion of your paycheck to taxes every month, you had to literally hand money over to an IRS agent who wouldn’t chase you, didn’t keep record of you and was incredibly easy to sidestep. Would¬†you¬†pay that guy?

Great Britain understood this inefficient system, but they also understood that they didn’t¬†reallyneed the taxes they were asking for. So unofficially, it was decided that as long as the colonies were doing well, the British were just going to¬†loosely¬†enforce the trade laws, lest they risk accidentally starting a rebellion. This is the same discipline philosophy held by parents who think that the point of having children is so that you can finally be invited to high school parties.

When it eventually did become necessary to start collecting cash, the British were never able to successfully put and keep in place any taxes, ever again. Every time they tried, a group of colonists would throw the kind of shit fit that ends in some embarrassed step-dad having to buy a pony.

So why bother?

#3. The Colonists Blundered Britain into the French and Indian War
 

Say you have a friend, who’s kind of a loud-mouth. He’s a few years younger than you and infinitely more irritating, so much so that he pissed off some tougher, bigger kids. Now they want to kick his ass. Even though it’s your friend’s own fault, and even though you had nothing to do with the dispute, you still feel like you have to step in and fight on his behalf. The French and Indian War was sort of like that, except Great Britain was the older, sensible friend of the idiot colonists, and the French “bullies” knew a¬†shitload of Indians.

But Why?

The land known as the Ohio Country was perfect for fur trading. The French realized this, so they claimed it. The British colony of Virginia claimed it “second,” which is English for first. Great Britain didn’t care¬†too¬†much and France wasn’t terribly interested in putting up a big fight over what clearly must have just been a misunderstanding. The colonists were, objectively, wrong. To apologize for the misunderstanding, the Virginian colonists started sprinting to the territory in order to gobble up land, take advantage of the fur trade, and annoy the living crap out of the Native Americans.

The French, hilariously thinking this conflict was still in the “words” phase, sent a bunch of troops on a peace mission into the forest to see if absolutely anyone in Virginia was in charge (nope!) A nearby colonial militia spotted the French, and being young, dumb, and full of guns, they thought it’d be real neat to sneak up and yell “SURPRISE!” With their guns.

Now, the French are fine if you’re running around saying “Nuh uh,¬†we¬†own the land,” but if you start wrecking their shit? They’re going to have something to say which, in this case, involved recruiting a buttload of Indians and an even bigger buttload of bullets. Regardless of the outcome, the ensuing French and Indian war ended up being ridiculously expensive for the British who, remember, didn’t even really give a crap to begin with.

On top of this, the British colonial smugglers continued to sell stuff to the French illegally throughout the course of the war. This kept the French well-supplied and the British well-supplied with rage at the colonists who, (once again), refused to pay taxes.

#2. The Colonists Were Crazy
 

Here’s maybe the most blatant display of colonial bullshit, because this is where¬†everything starts coming together. Remember that expensive war the colonists dragged Britain into? Great Britain thought it was only fair that the colonists¬†share¬†some of that cost, especially since the victory showed more benefit to the colonists than it did Great Britain. That’s reasonable. To cover this cost, GB tried throwing in some more taxes, which is also reasonable. As you’ll recall, though, the colonists¬†hated¬†paying reasonable taxes, so all of the new taxes, (except the tax on tea), were repealed.

We can’t even conceive of a government repealing taxes based solely on us not wanting to pay them, because that’s¬†all¬†taxes, but Great Britain pulled out.¬†Just like that.¬†Just to make the colonists happy, (those sonsabitches loved their tea), Great Britain came up with the Tea Act of 1773, which would give the colonists tea that was both cheaper¬†and¬†better than the tea they were getting from smugglers. Still sounds reasonable. France is out of the colonists’s hair, some taxes are removed, and they get high quality tea at a cheaper cost.

The colonists threw the tea in the water.

But Why?

It worked like this: the East India Trading Company was being driven into the ditch by colonial smugglers, and they only had one asset left that could save them: tea. So, Britain gave them an exclusive deal to sell their high quality tea cheaply to the colonists. Then, the British bundled it with a smaller import tax. Yes, it was like having to buy every¬†Wii¬†bundled with a copy of¬†Let’s Lotion Stuff 2, but the whole damn thing would only be 25 dollars, so it sounded like a fair compromise. Britain just wanted the Tea Tax in there to a) show they still were running shit at least a little bit and b) discourage people from illegally buy low-grade crap from smugglers.

Smugglers, like John Hancock, hate being told they can’t smuggle. Their businesses were metaphorically dependant on everybody remaining horrified by Great Britain’s terrible, (reasonable), awful, (in retrospect economically responsible) taxation practices, so they started a smear campaign in New York and Pennsylvania, painting the Tea Act as just a sneaky way to get everyone to accept new taxes. By this point, “new taxes”, while vital to paying down the still-a-massive-problem national debt, was a phrase now capable of making the colonists go apeshit like it was the fucking secret word on¬†Pee-Wee’s playhouse.


“THEY’RE TAKIN’ OUR TEA!”

And in this case, the secret word demanded that some motherfuckers better get their tea-dump on.

Riots, pamphlets and one Tea Party later, all done to help level the playing field for tea smugglers who were not about to let quality goods get in the way of their incredibly shortsighted business model.

 

#1. They Stirred Up Religious Bigotry to Get People on Their Side
 

To be fair to the asshole teabaggers, there¬†were¬†a few legitimate reasons to hate Great Britain but, to be fair to history, the colonists didn’t really choose any of those reasons. They picked¬†greed and bigotry.

Buy Why?

In 1774, Parliament passed the Quebec Act, which did two big things: 1) it provided religious toleration and rights to Catholics and 2) it expanded Quebec’s land in Canada down to the Ohio River,¬†away¬†from the colonists (who, remember, stole it from the French in the first place). Basically, it was like a big fruit basket from the British to Catholic French Canada with a card that read “Sorry we conquered you; maybe in time you will learn to love us?”

At this point, even after the Boston Tea Party, Massachusetts was the only colony that was really on board with the whole independence idea. Massachusetts, that is, and people like Washington, Jefferson and Patrick Henry, who invested a lot of money in the Ohio territory and didn’t exactly want to sit back and let the British give it to the stupid French and Indians, so they could ruin it with hairy armpits and crepe teepees. They were outraged and felt oppressed, sure, but they were still the minority at the time. They needed to convince the mostly king-loyal public that these laws were meant to oppress them silly, and they weren’t going to do that with the whole “I put all my eggs in the ‘Ohio Country’ basket and am personally screwed if this goes tits up” argument, so they decided to tap into the old English standard: frothing, belligerent Catholic hating.

Except for one problem: people didn’t really hate Catholics anymore. But they definitely had it in them to hate anything that they thought was ruining the Land O’ Opportunity, and the founding fathers totally played into it.


“Are you just going to sit there and let the goddamned¬†Catholics¬†eat all your babies?”

Alexander Hamilton argued that Quebec would become an irresistible magnet for Catholics who would then destroy the colonies, which is really about a drink away from just coming out and saying that Quebec is a self-arming death-ray that shoots popes. Paul Revere drew a cartoon showing the writers of the Quebec Act in cahoots with the Devil, and the Catholics for being one bishop short of Captain Planet:

It might not seem like a lot, but it was enough to enrage the colonists. Predictably, the British were pretty confused that THIS is what got the masses to turn against. But considering how much of a complicated clusterfuck the issues between the colonies and Great Britain had already been, it makes perfect sense that it would take something as simple as the 18th century equivalent of THEY TOOK OUR JAHBS.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_18442_5-reasons-founding-fathers-were-kind-dicks_p2.html#ixzz2d1fd4fuH

Telangana – Correct diagnosis, wrong cure – The Hindu

Correct diagnosis, wrong cure – The Hindu.

A piece on Telangana- India’s 29th state

Legitimate socio-economic grievances can take problematical political forms. Decades of neglect and denial of opportunities, especially in education and employment, have left the Telangana region of Andhra Pradesh underdeveloped and backward. This inescapable reality explains the militancy of the movements that surface from time to time for a separate State. The region, which broadly corresponds to the areas that were under the princely state of Hyderabad, continues to fall behind both coastal Andhra and Rayalaseema in development indices. Dams and irrigation projects have helped to some extent, but the rural hinterlands on the Deccan plateau have resisted attempts to boost agricultural productivity and income. Rural unemployment and poverty are rampant. Leaders of the Telangana region, including many from the time of the first major agitation in 1969, have sought to frame these deprivation and development-related issues in the language of regionalism ‚ÄĒ as wilful, oppressive neglect of an entire region by those in power belonging to other regions. The Telangana Rashtra Samithi, the party behind the current agitation, is of the same mould. Although the TRS fared poorly in the Lok Sabha and Assembly elections earlier this year, its president K. Chandrasekhar Rao has now managed to rally support by going on a protest fast. Such is the volatility of Indian politics that the mass mood can change within months, especially when an emotive issue is worked up by clever political footwork. The mishandling of the students‚Äô agitation by the police has clearly aided Mr. Rao‚Äôs cause.

Sound political diagnosis must of course factor in the mass mood but cannot be determined by it. In most cases, the real answer to problems of under-development and backwardness lies in big efforts aimed at development and progress. Aside from the unwisdom of breaking up South India‚Äôs largest State, a separate Telangana will fuel demands for a separate Rayalaseema, for a separate coastal Andhra, and, maybe, even for union territory status for Hyderabad ‚ÄĒ and there will be no Pradesh left. The problem of uneven regional and intra-State development is one of the major challenges rising India faces but there is little to suggest that smaller States will make for a more even process of development. Surely, regional imbalances can be corrected without recourse to bifurcating or trifurcating a stable and potentially prosperous State ‚ÄĒ which came into being through historical struggle and sacrifice and showcases the virtues of post-Independence linguistic reorganisation. For a start, the Regional Development Boards could be given more resources and more powers. Successive chief ministers have avoided resourcing the boards with sufficient funds, for fear of creating regional power centres and undermining their own authority. This must necessarily change. The diagnosis is right: Telangana is backward and cries out for rapid development and the regional autonomy needed for this. But the cure pressed by a succession of militant movements ‚ÄĒ a separate Telangana State ‚ÄĒ will do serious harm to the patient.

Source: The Hindu  December 9,2009

No Raanjhanaa broke no stereotypes, it did not make a positive impact!

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When the promos of the movie Raanjhanaa came out, people were heard shouting, ‘Oh Raanjhaana has Dhanush in it.. he will break the stereotype of the typical bollywood hero. This will change the way Bollywood had portrayed masculinity till now. Perception that the mainstream bollywood actors have to have a ‘hot body’ with ‘good looks’ would now be de-convoluted’. The above image exactly depicts things that have been doing rounds for long in the media. The moment I heard the afore-mentioned I knew something was wrong. Precisely why I decided to watch the movie!

Honestly, it was exaggeration at its best. The film was a good watch that made no lasting impression just as most of the other bollywood movies. Nothing that was promised was delivered.

If I were to de-construct the movie and the claims made this is exactly how I felt:

1. Dhanush will break the stereotype

It irked me a lot when I read the reviews by film critics that praised Dhanush for his commendable performance and his courage. This takes me back to the time when Gangs of Wasseypur had released. The film had no one from the commercial cinema who is thought to have ‘killer looks’ as per the so called bollywood standards but still managed to build a cult following. Nawazuddin Siddiqui, Huma Qureshi and Richa Chaddha, once unknown are now household names. Raanjhanaa made no such impact and was a sheer disappointment! Dhanush acted well in the movie but he is definitely not the trend setter. Actors like Suniel Shetty, Rajpal Yadav,¬†Omkar Das Manikpuri, Nawazuddin Siddiqui, Rajnikanth have made successful attempts to challenge the persisting notions in mainstream cinema long before Dhanush. The film’s attempt to manipulate the audience through Dhanush’s puppy-dog cuteness is insulting, if not downright sexist; this childish harasser is aggrandized as a pure lover, an innocent, blinded by saintly devotion to yet another undeserving shrewish and calculating female.¬†I felt neither the film nor the character did any justice to Dhanush’s acting capabilities.

2. Ladki sirf do cheezon se pat-ti hai, mehnat se ya fir darr se. 

There is something seriously wrong with this statement. The dialogue has been written and used recklessly in the movie. The film glorifies eve-teasing, encourages the use of acid attacks and slicing wrists as means to get the affection reciprocated when the normal methods fail. ¬†I do not disagree with the fact that a section of Indian men still use such methods to impose their will on the women they are infatuated with, but I do disagree with the modern educated girl in Zoya who failed to stand up to the boy’s antics and instead encouraged him. The film is set in Banaras, Uttar Pradesh and reflects the contrast in mentality of both educated and uneducated men in the state. However, it fails to acknowledge that the mentality issue is prevalent across the whole of India and not just UP alone.

3. If things are not going your way, attempt suicide.

Seriously, what is wrong with people? I know de-evolution is the trend of this century but there are limits to which one can tolerate idiocy. If things do not go your way, you work harder to change them. You do not use force on others neither do you kill yourself. No one promised you that life is going to go exactly how you planned it, but hey, its not going to be that bad either. Since when did slashing wrists started being considered as a pretense of bravery? Gimme a break… do not reason it out with me by saying.. it was love.. I was madly in love.. there was no other way! Sorry, you were not in love, you were only being a fool. In the movie, Zoya never falls for the jobless and uneducated Kundan. She still went for the better looking, educated, sophisticated and goal-oriented Jasjeet and royally ignored his flaws! Moral of the story, education, ambition and confidence is all that is required to win someone over. If they do not work on one person, never mind, there is plenty of fish in the sea. Trust me! ūüôā

4. A woman can turn the world around. If she doesn’t like you, she will end up killing you.¬†

Well, whose mistake is it anyway? Since centuries women have been perceived as timid creatures whom men can channel in which ever way they want to. Now when women have started challenging these age old assumptions and breaking out of the shell, men are suddenly uncomfortable with the whole idea of equal rights and women empowerment. They now brand them as manipulators. Honestly, if it was a man who was to take revenge from another man in politics, he would have resorted to manipulation too but in a much different way. Then why mis-branding women only? *No I am not a feminist but I do believe in equal rights!* As far as Bindiya is concerned, I feel sorry for Sawara having to play this character.

I do not think its the stereotype of male actors in Indian cinema which needs to be broken, its the obsession with use of clichés for depiction of masculinity and the gender stereotyping which needs a major upheaval. It is required that the film makers learn from the reactions of masses post the Delhi Rape case and start writing intelligent scripts. Its time to raise the bar and get your priorities right.

Overall Rating: ** 1/2 on 5

Verdict: An irresponsible attempt to be different

Random conversations that made sense in December!

I love talking! ¬†May be that is why I started blogging in the first place. ūüėõ¬†There is nothing like a good conversation to open up your senses or put you into deep thinking. The¬†individual¬†perspectives on relevant or irrelevant matters help broaden your understanding of people around you. In this article, I will be sharing a few of the random conversations I had while I was on a vacation in India.

On my way to Jaipur, I met two adorable girls, a 10 year old and a 12 year old accompanied by their mother. The girls were equally¬†mischievous¬†and intelligent. So, I strike up a conversation with both of them and start asking them about the latest release- Dabangg 2. The girls were quick to say that they thoroughly enjoyed the film and wished we had more cops like Chulbul Pandey in Delhi Police. At first instance, I had a hearty laugh but when I asked them why do they think this way, both of them quoted the Delhi Rape Case. (It was definitely the last thing I wanted to hear)¬†The girls also pointed at an article published in the Times of India which described the failure of¬†Delhi¬†police to judge the molestation of a 12 year old in a moving DTC bus. I was surprised to see how quickly the kids these days can understand such situations. I shared with them an incident that happened with me four and a half years ago. It was a small case of my mobile phone being picked from my trouser’s pocket but it left a lasting impression. It was not the crime which offended me as a citizen but the attitude of the police which came as a shocker. I caught the thief the moment he stole my phone and saw him pass it on to his partner. Though I grabbed one of them by the collar, I could not get hold of the second one as he ran away too quickly. I shouted, created a scene, gathered the crowd and dragged the thief to Uttam Nagar Police station. (Honestly, I have never been so proud of my loud voice and the ability to create a mountain of a molehill. But in this incident, it was my flaws that helped me.) I handed over the culprit to the police and he was taken in custody. A police personnel then took me to the crime site and was quick to throw the case off to Janakpuri jurisdiction as the crime site was 20 centimeters away from Uttam Nagar jurisdiction. I found it absolutely ridiculous but little did I know that the worst was yet to come. When I came back to the police station, I demanded a full body search of the thief though I knew he passed over the phone to his partner. It was at this moment when I got to know that the thief had escaped from the custody. This was more than enough to make me lose my temper and forget that I have a family to worry about and its the police I am raising my voice against. I wrote an FIR report myself as the police was not ready to file one and courageously mentioned ‘The thief was handed over to the police but the police helped him escape and were negligent the whole time. I did my duty as a law abiding citizen but the policemen failed to perform their’s.’ None of the things I did changed anything about the situation. However, when I used ‘approach’, not only did I get a brand new phone, I was also dropped off to my destination in a police jeep in no time. I was asked to withdraw my FIR for obvious reasons. It was after this that I understood that one should stop hoping for protection and justice from them and be their own bodyguards without abusing the law.

As I got to know the girls better, I asked them about their school. They were absolutely elated at the question. It was quite apparent that they loved going to school. Turns out the school in Rohini, Delhi is a public school named after the first Indian religious, education and social reformer- Raja Ram Mohan Roy. Any amount of¬†honour¬†for this man shall be less. I was disappointed when I came to know that neither of the two girls knew about him. The younger one excused herself by saying that she has never seen his photograph or statue in her school, so she has no idea who he was. The only pictures or statues in her school are those of Manmohan Singh, Sonia Gandhi and Shiela Dixit. (Do I need to say anything more? I am pretty sure you would’ve guessed my reaction. Since these were kids, I¬†preferred¬†to shut my mouth.)¬†I then gave them a fifteen minute talk to educate them about one of the greatest reformers India ever produced and his reforms which paved way for new and liberated India. However, amidst everything I realised, we put him on pedestal by naming him as ” The Father of Modern India” but we do not give him his due respect. That is exactly what we have been doing with everything. We have been worshipping and considering things to be sacred whereas we should be applying them in our daily life. ¬†Late Sri Raja Ram Mohan Roy had been fighting against the rotten ideologies that hold no value in present time for decades. He questioned the popular beliefs of Hindus for years and tried his best to establish gender equality in the country. If only we had followed his teachings and not considered them sacred, we would have progressed much before.

The second¬†incident¬†happened in the metro when I was on my way to New Delhi Railway Station. I was travelling in the normal coach in Delhi metro not in the one that is reserved for women when I overheard a conversation between two middle aged men. And of course the topic of the day was, “Delhi Rape Case”. No surprises there! Both the men condemned the crime and were displeased with the government’s attitude. Everything was going in their¬†favour¬†until one of them started to brag about how he has taught his daughter to stay in “her limits” and he is confident that such a thing will never happen with her. Clearly, this man had failed to understand that the plethora of angry men and women at various hotspots of¬†Delhi¬†have been fighting against the idea of keeping women in bounds. Not only that, he indirectly justified the act and stigmatised the rape survivors. If I were a boy being raised with a sister, I would be ashamed of myself if my sister was taught to guard herself because men have no self-control.

One fine evening, I was having a conversation with my mother about how suffocating Delhi has proven to be since December 16. I did not understand why one unfortunate incident was hyped so much? I understand the aggression of the¬†protesters¬†and appreciate their efforts, but I fail to understand, why are all rapes not highlighted as much. There is no question that this case was horrific, but then which rape case isn’t? I was amazed to see the uprising of people and it gave me a ray of hope too. I could see that there exists a section of the society which recognises the need for a change in the mentality of people, while there is another which demands stricter laws. The former demanded a long term solution while the latter saw short term gains. Also, what’s with the names ‘Nirbhaya’, ‘Desh ki Beti’, ‘Amanat’, ‘Damini’? Why did we suddenly feel the need to give the rape survivor a name? Have we again discriminated or have we been biased in a subtle way? These questions left me perplexed for a very long time and I still do not have concrete answers or may be I am purposely not trying to find the answers.

I was constantly following the international reports about the mishap and the coverage was particularly ironic to the recent media controversy over a rape in Ohio. I am 100% sure, more than half of those reading this article would not even be aware of the Ohio controversy. What saddened me more was that my fellow countrymen did not hesitate in sharing these reports on social media platforms. Some even included them in their blogs with additional graphical details. Ethical and unbiased journalism clearly vanished when it came to this particular case. Some websites tried to generate more hits while juvenile writers and organisations saw it as their claim to fame.

Today, I see three different kinds of people in the society.

1. Who are willing to help and be the agents of change.

2. Who shout along with the former but chicken out when it comes to implementation

3. Who laugh at the situation or try to benefit from the situation. This also includes those who are indifferent.

I don’t know who is worse, the second category or the third? ¬†But there is one thing which is very evident in the Indian middle class and that is the desire to change. I hope it does not fade quickly.

Those interested in knowing more about the ohio rape case the following link summarises a few facts http://prinniefied.com/wp/

Dil se Dilli

I know I should be writing the chapters of my thesis and do some literature search and review but I find writing about general stuff more interesting. So here I sit and write about my home-town. I never realised when I fell in love with Delhi until I had to re-locate in 2008. In past 4 and a half years, I have hardly been able to spend time in the city and I miss it all the time. (Clearly, I am homesick and I need to cave in.)

Geographically,region in North India that includes the Union Territory of Delhi, cities of Ghaziabad and Noida in U.P. and Gurgaon and Faridabad in Haryana together form the Delhi/NCR region. However, the residents dissociate themselves from the inhabitants of the NCR by classifying them as ‘pseudo-delhites’ and ‘non-natives’. This is highly evident especially in cases of road rage where regardless of whose fault it was or where you originate from, you are subjected to the rant; ” Abey B****c***, saala, jaat kahin ka!! Teri maa ki… @#$%^&**. Bahar nikalo inhe yahan se. Kharaab kar di dilli.” Inclusion of the NCR region in UCT of Delhi has also changed the meaning of the word ‘bhaiya’. Traditionally used in¬†Hindi¬†language to address elder brother with respect, owing to the recent rise in population of people from other parts of India especially Uttar Pradesh, Bihar and Madhya Pradesh, its usage has become highly controversial. Well these ‘bhaiyas’ are really smart tough. They exactly know how to give delhites a taste of their own medicine. If you hear a vegetable vendor or an auto wallah or a painter talk back to your family members and address them as Aunty Ji or Uncle Ji¬†irrespective of the age, do not get offended. You know where it is coming from! (I¬†believe its a brilliant comeback.:P)

The capital of India welcomes people from all parts of the world as there is plenty in store for everyone.¬†A mix of all the Indian cultures and many others from around the world, its hard to divide the people. However, Delhi has long been battling the prejudices against the muslims and the north-east Indians in particular. The word ‘chinki’, a racial slur, is a part of a Delhites vocabulary. It is surprising that the Delhites did not even realise that the term is derogatory and racist until the¬†Ministry of Home Affairs asked all the states and union territories to book anyone who commits an act of atrocity against people from the region under the Scheduled Castes and Scheduled Tribes (Prevention of Atrocities) Act. Oh boy! 5 years of imprisonment if you call someone a ‘Chinki’… Better watch your tongue Delhites!¬†The muslims are the¬†worst¬†sufferers¬†when it comes to finding houses as its very hard to escape the¬†stereotypes¬†with the landlords. The community in general is considered to have¬†unhygienic¬†habits and people are mostly¬†mistaken¬†to be terrorists. The city is always on high alert and prone to terrorist attacks which has forced Delhites to not trust anyone. The condition worsens when the¬†individual¬†has a muslim name. Not only are they refused¬†accommodation¬†without consideration, they are often looked down upon and called ‘atankwadi‘ in retaliation when they question. All this inspite of the fact that Delhi’s history is mostly¬†Islamic. The historical monuments like Qutab Minar, Humayun Tomb and Lal Qila, which we Delhites ¬†are proud of are signatures of the Islamic rulers of the past.¬†It is disheartening to know that the muslim community has to bear such harsh attitude across¬†the city.

Despite its problems, Delhi is by far the best city in India when it comes to liveability,  food, cultural diversity and education. It is the home to prime educational institutes such as, the Indian Institute of Technology, All India Institute of Medical Sciences, Delhi University, Jamia Hamdard University and Jawaharlal Nehru University. We do lack an Indian Institute of Management but I am hopeful we will get one very soon.

The city where originated the mughlai cusine ¬†with the famous kebabs, tandoori chicken and biryani, also has its own version of ¬†delicacies from other parts of the¬†world such as the ‘Chicken tandoori panini’, ‘Chinese chaat’, ‘fried momos’ to name a few. The concept of ‘dhabas’ and ‘street food’ is highly popular and well suited to the needs of the habitants.¬†The city loves its food so much that it has an entire street, Paranthe Wali Gali in the busiest market, Chandini Chowk, dedicated to it (karim’s pe murga aur shiv charan ke paranthe nahi khaaye toh janaab aapne kuch nahi khaaya.) Its indeed a foodie’s paradise!!

¬†Oh! By the way, those waterballs which tantalize your tastebuds, is called ¬†‘Gol- Gappe’ in Delhi except in Bengali market and CR Park where you may call it as ‘Fuchkas’. Also, ‘Aloo chaat’, which we are very proud of, requires the ‘Aloo’ to be FRIED and mixed with a tonne of spices. End of story!! ¬†Boiled potato would just not do and is absolutely out of question. (For all those obsessed with hygenic stuff, Bitto Tikki Wala is the safest option. Zyada posh hona hai toh Bikaner aur Agarwal bhi hai!)

Delhi is the ‘power hub’ of India as it is home to the prime minister, the president and other prominent political leaders which decide the country’s future. The¬†prevalence¬†of¬†political¬†infrastructure and habitats in the city have influenced the life of the commoners as well. Each and every individual in Delhi has some or the other connection with either a ‘lukha’ or a well known politician. The dialogues, “Tu jaanta nahi hai ki mera baap kaun hai?“,”Tu bas kaam bol, sab setting ho jayegi” are often uttered for a reason.

Similar to the other cities in India, Delhi too has a distinctive lingo with Urdu and English influenced Hindi and a very distinguished vocabulary. Some of the phrases which form a part of a delhites routine dictionary are:

  • ‘Jugaad’, in essence, jugaad is a tribute to native genius, and lateral thinking. It means “can do.” or where there’s a will, there’s a way.
  • Hool Dena‘, meaning to threaten,
  • ‘Lanka Lagna/Lag gayi‘, used when a major trouble hits with everything going wrong and ultimately turning into a disaster
  • ‘Sidey‘; a sidekick or a minor character usually used to describe people with not so prominent roles when narrating a real life incedent
  • ‘Tharki’ , meaning someone who is horny, coquettish, flirtatious
  • Bakchodi’ Absolute bullshit
  • ‘Thulla/Thulli‘¬†Delhi speak for a police constable
  • ‘Behenji Turned Mod’ ¬†A family-type¬†chokri¬†who has suddenly taken to fashion and the good life.
  • ‘Fuchhas’ a college fresh-man
  • ‘Staff’ orginally meaning the member of faculty. However, in Delhi University, the term is used by students from a college when asked by a bus conductor to buy a ticket. It is more of a threat in this case, meaning that the conductor better allow the concerned student(s) free travel or else the bus driver and conductor ¬†will be beaten up by the student(s)’ henchmen.

If insulting our own countrymen and co-habitants wasn’t enough, we delhites also coined a term for the NRIs which the entire country readily accepts. The link for the same is¬†http://samosapedia.com/e/ungli-ready! ¬†ūüėÄ

Although, the city is prone to terrorist attacks, these never say die spirited people with huge hearts (‘Dilwale‘) continue to live happily without complaining. The phrase, ‘Life goes on no matter what‘ is truly applicable to the delhites¬†along with¬†the mumbaikars. Its a city of vivid and bright colours, with people so different and yet alike, with something to give to anyone who wants to be a part of it. No wonder I love it to bits and the little memories that I made with my friends and family in the city are treasured forever.

We may be ‘show offs’, ‘loud’, annoying and ‘snobs’ of the first lot, but you may never find a friend like us (if you manage to¬†befriend¬†us… which is easy… just show a lot of love and take everything we say lightly..basically tolerate us) ever in your life.

No one lives life the way a Delhite does and you need to live it to know it.

Before I sign out, I leave you with the map of India according to a Delhite. Its as true as it could be.

P.S. I decided to skip describing the experience of shopping in Delhi as I was afraid that I would not be able to confine myself and go on to write a tremendously long post.